What To Do If You Can't Get An Erection During SexAny man who has loses his erection feels like he has lost his potency, his manhood, and his masculinity. The penis really is a man's fifth and most important limb, and when a man has an erection problem it can humble its owner. In short, having an erection is, to most men, a major part of being a man. But here's the irony - some sex therapists think the major cause of losing one's erection is worrying about losing one's erection! In other words, once some problem has occurred that results in a man losing his erection during sex, or not being able to get hard in the first place, he worries about it recurring so much that he becomes extremely anxious and then he really can't get it erect again. The truth is that it's not so unusual for a penis to play up once in a while. Whatever the cause - he didn't want sex, he was embarrassed about being seen or heard, sex went wrong for some reason, he was tired, whatever - he may see his erectile failure as a major event that calls into question his whole sense of masculinity. Unless he is secure enough to accept that these things happen from time to time, his anxiety may mount and his erection may fluctuate or even disappear altogether. As time goes by, his erection problem tends to get worse. It's a downwards spiral of negative expectations and failure to perform which feeds on itself and can lead to a man shying away from sex for fear of what will (or, rather, won't) happen. And, as if to make things even worse, a man who is struggling with erection problems will often find he develops other problems like premature ejaculation or loss of desire. Of course some personality types are more prone to this negative thinking than others. A perfectionist, or a man who thinks he has to perform at all costs, or a man who is very goal-oriented, is likely to take this much more seriously than a man who is less controlled. And such a man will not tend to think of himself as a man with a sexual problem - he will think of himself as an impotent man. Let me tell you now, if you're in this position, that some things that are unlikely to help your penis regain its virility:
You don't have to avoid sex or give it up! All you have to do is find the right approach to solving the problem. First of all, remember that an erection is primarily a response to physical stimulation (though of course it can be a response to mental stimulation, especially in younger men). If you spend too much time in your head thinking about sex, anticipating it, and fantasizing about what may happen next, you may lose touch with your body and its capacity to be physically aroused. You need to be in the moment, both physically and mentally. Second of all, get checked out for physical problems. They can happen: diabetes, low hormone levels, stress, depression, self-doubt, not to mention many prescription drugs - all these and more can affect your capacity to get hard. The classic indicator of a physical problem is the absence of any erections, be they nighttime, daytime, masturbatory or whatever. But this is somewhat ambiguous. What if you get a partial erection when you masturbate? So unless you are 100% sure of your erectile capacity, the best way to check for physical problems is to go and see a specialist doctor who knows what he's doing. (Sadly, many do not when it comes to impotence, so make sure you go to a specialist clinic that is experienced in dealing with male problems.) of course, sex after fifty can be problematic for men, with less reliable erections and sometimes failure to ejaculate. Third of all, deal with any deep-rooted issues. If, for example, you had a childhood in which your mother ridiculed or belittled you, dismissed your feelings or discounted your opinions, needs and feelings, you won't have a secure emotional relationship with women. The way to deal with this is get some good psychotherapy. If you're a repressed homosexual, come to terms with your sexual desires. If you have a fear of intimacy, find a therapist who can show you it's actually safe to be physically or emotionally close to another person. A most important fact for some men to understand is that just because you're male doesn't mean you have to be able to fuck any woman who comes your way. There's an old saying in the world of sex therapy - "The penis never lies". What this means is that when you have the opportunity to have sex with a woman who doesn't turn you on, you can say "No" and still regard yourself as a man! And, if this happens and you lose your erection, it doesn't mean next time you try the same thing will happen - it means you need to be more selective about who you choose as your sexual partners! What's more, you don't have to be a sexual superman. A great example of this kind of male thinking is that some men believe they have to be in charge at all times and in all circumstances during sex. It's these men who may lose their erection when they can't find their partner's vaginal opening - especially in the man on top position. Instead of asking their partner to guide their penis in, they just thrust blindly, hoping to find the opening. These guys need to loosen up and remember they aren't doing this alone! And finally, you may be one of those men who need to be a relationship to have sex successfully. if so, don't try forcing yourself to have sex with anyone who just happens to come along! Some facts you may not know abut your penis and sex! Men over thirty may need physical stimulation of their penis to get an erection Men can have intercourse with a partial erection Erections come and go during sex Men often lose their erection when enjoying oral sex or putting on a condom Men don't always want sex - it's OK to say "no"! You may not get an erection if you don't want sex with a particular woman, even if you're naked in bed together. |